Cut You a Fast Walking Stick.

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The key word here is “fast.” It seems like nothing slows down and everyone is in a hurry. After seven years in the city, I never did figure out what they are rushing towards, I just learned to keep up. Say goodbye to them long dirt roads and free parking and say hello to buildings with “stories” and roads with “belt loops.” Back home, the tallest building we had was the hospital and it only had two floors and there was barely any need for more than our three red lights.

Anyway, all around these big buildings are streets that only go in one direction at a time, even though there are several lanes. This is most confusing when you miss your turn, which you will.It’s important to completely give up all sense of direction, since you can’t find the sun anyway and just turn every time you can until you get back to where you recognize something. It’s also not a good idea to ask the people you see on the corners, because they offer prices instead of directions.

If you need to park you will have to pay, and you can’t stay longer than two hours.Seriously, nothing is free in the city. They actually want you to park sideways between two cars, so be sure to practice before you leave, since there was never any need to learn this skill back home. I’ve found that I do better when I roll down all the windows and turn the radio off.  If you have money you can and should take a cab, but these are expensive and somewhat dangerous and all are driver by folks not from around here. I only recommend these after 2am. The bus is another alternative but scary people stare at you and some smell funny.

We have covered riding and parking, now let’s talk about walking. Its simple, really. Always look down. Always carry a coffee with a little warmer wrap thing on it or try to eat and walk at the same time. Always walk fast. Never look city folk in the eye, especially don’t smile and wave at them. Got it?