Worn Slap Out!

Well, our clan has just completed our annual vacation and so we are absolutely worn slap out. All of us….however, the energy exerted on these annual vacations is not equally divvied up and therefore, the whining shouldn’t be either. Since my bunch doesn’t care what I have to say, I am putting it out there to you and hoping for an Amen, Sister!

Let’s talk about preparing for the family vacation with kids. We all decide on where to go. All have opinions and suggestions.  That is where the ‘all’ ends. Period.

Then while kids are bouncing off the walls in excitement, annoyingly asking “how many more days?” and endlessly pouring over which toys to take; momma plans, budgets, cleans, packs, stresses and drinks. Fast-forward to arriving at your destination or sooner if you are part of my clan, the ‘others’ begin to ask if I remembered to pack……whatever. I reckon they should have thought of that before leaving. My job is to keep all vitals strong and basic hygiene needs met.

Now, let’s go ahead and talk about coming home. We will clearly divide the duties to ensure you get the appropriate picture.

Dad drives home. Dad helps unload car. Dad naps.

Kids play or otherwise vanish into thin air.

Mom begins unpacking. Mom sorts the laundry. Mom starts the laundry. Mom puts up the luggage. Mom inventories fridge and pantry. Mom runs to the grocery store. Mom cooks dinner. Mom goes through the million receipts, invoices and charge accounts. Mom begins drinking, even though she can’t afford to. Mom gets everything ready for the next day. Mom catches up on her work emails. Mom takes a quick shower and falls into bed. Mom listens to the ‘others’ talk about how tired they are. Mom tries to remember that vacations are necessary and it was fun.

Mommas need a vacation after the vacation. Can I get an Amen, Sister?!

Worthless as an Ashtray on a Motorcycle (Part II) – Reentry.

I see that many of you read my first post and ascertained that I am an ungrateful cretin, after enjoying six amazing days at an all in-inclusive resort for free – and still having something to complain about. Not just for free….but FOR FREE!! Even my luggage was paid for, shuttle services, excursions, spa treatments, etc. Where do I get the gall to complain??

Let me explain. It’s all in the return.

If a resort is truly all-inclusive, then it should also cover reentry into reality? I mean really…how hard would a few-hour course be to put together?? Pennies compared to the potential costs of homicidal ramifications or outright depression that society would incur without it. I have even taken the liberty to offer my suggestions….free of charge, of course.

Below are my top five components of such a course:

  1. Role play scenarios or pictographs of ‘How to Pay a Bill at a Restaurant.” This probably needs to proceed ordering of said meal in first world countries. For example, back in reality, you will need to remember that the water is safe to drink and free…..you will need to remember that desserts are absolutely an inexplicable cost, only an option on birthdays…when it’s free.
  2. Demonstrations of turning on water faucets or flushing toilets.
  3. Pictures and sound recordings of an actual alarm going off. Complete with the total service of said alarm, which is nothing. No courtesy call asking if you need a second call or if you would like coffee or juice. Nothing. Just loud, obnoxious sound and then it’s done. Maybe, this would be a good role play option…having someone kick us out of bed to the alarm sound….pour water on us…curse us like yard dogs….
  4. The quiet. A course on understanding that this state is not OK. It’s a direct indication that something is wrong. At the resort, when you enter a room, you are acknowledged. You walk out of the resort and you are acknowledged. When you arrive at the airport, you are acknowledged.

Not so much in reality. Remember your thankless role?? It’s time to             become one with it again. Also, if you have kids and you hear quiet….be       afraid….very afraid.

5. The tables have turned. I don’t know any other way to say it, but now you are re-entering a world, where your family are the ones living in an all-inclusive resort. You take their order, bring their food, make their beds, do their laundry, wash their dishes, drive them places, change their toilet paper, paying for their needs, etc.

Yep, this last one needs an all-inclusive response to reintegration.

Did I forget anything?