A Burr In My Saddle!

So there are lots and lots….and lots of things that piss me off. The biggest one centers around being Middle-Class. So, in order to allow me to vent…in depth….I have decided to focus a series of blog posts on “Middle-Class Misconceptions” and what I think about those that believe them.

First…..and perhaps the biggest misconception that my class deals with is:

We work, therefore we have money.

In an effort to rid the world of this biggest type of stupid, all Middle-Class people should be given a bag-limit of throat punches.  Say, an introductory rate of 25 throat punches…per month, with roll-over throat punches. However, if you do not use up your tags…then you subject yourself to be throat punched by another member of our club, which will not count against them.

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Membership is free. Just produced your debt to income ratio and a picture of your empty fridge to be accepted.

That is all.

Worthless as an Ashtray on a Motorcycle (Part II) – Reentry.

I see that many of you read my first post and ascertained that I am an ungrateful cretin, after enjoying six amazing days at an all in-inclusive resort for free – and still having something to complain about. Not just for free….but FOR FREE!! Even my luggage was paid for, shuttle services, excursions, spa treatments, etc. Where do I get the gall to complain??

Let me explain. It’s all in the return.

If a resort is truly all-inclusive, then it should also cover reentry into reality? I mean really…how hard would a few-hour course be to put together?? Pennies compared to the potential costs of homicidal ramifications or outright depression that society would incur without it. I have even taken the liberty to offer my suggestions….free of charge, of course.

Below are my top five components of such a course:

  1. Role play scenarios or pictographs of ‘How to Pay a Bill at a Restaurant.” This probably needs to proceed ordering of said meal in first world countries. For example, back in reality, you will need to remember that the water is safe to drink and free…..you will need to remember that desserts are absolutely an inexplicable cost, only an option on birthdays…when it’s free.
  2. Demonstrations of turning on water faucets or flushing toilets.
  3. Pictures and sound recordings of an actual alarm going off. Complete with the total service of said alarm, which is nothing. No courtesy call asking if you need a second call or if you would like coffee or juice. Nothing. Just loud, obnoxious sound and then it’s done. Maybe, this would be a good role play option…having someone kick us out of bed to the alarm sound….pour water on us…curse us like yard dogs….
  4. The quiet. A course on understanding that this state is not OK. It’s a direct indication that something is wrong. At the resort, when you enter a room, you are acknowledged. You walk out of the resort and you are acknowledged. When you arrive at the airport, you are acknowledged.

Not so much in reality. Remember your thankless role?? It’s time to             become one with it again. Also, if you have kids and you hear quiet….be       afraid….very afraid.

5. The tables have turned. I don’t know any other way to say it, but now you are re-entering a world, where your family are the ones living in an all-inclusive resort. You take their order, bring their food, make their beds, do their laundry, wash their dishes, drive them places, change their toilet paper, paying for their needs, etc.

Yep, this last one needs an all-inclusive response to reintegration.

Did I forget anything?

Worthless as an Ashtray on a Motorcyle

So, I just returned from my very first, all-inclusive resort experience, which was way beyond my raising. Really, I shouldn’t even speak of it. However, I’m curious.

Apparently, I am a big deal with Thirty-One Gifts, and earned an all expense paid trip to the Hard Rock Resort in Cancun, Mexico. Believe it or not, I almost passed on this trip. The thought of preparing for a week away and facing the fallout was about too much to bear. Whatever, I ponied up and went.

The morning of departure, I was ready to book an earlier return flight. It was 4 am and two hours of sleep was just not going to cut it. After 4 hours of waiting at the airport, I finally boarded the plane and sat next to total strangers on my way to paradise. Fast forward two hours. I landed in Cancun, got body raped by twenty locals trying to convince me that they were my ride to the resort, aka human slavery. Thankfully, Thirty-One had actually included a picture of their man at the airport, so I had tunnel-vision for him and him, alone. I get on the bus, was offered a warm towel (not sure why)….was told another hour and ten minutes, I would be where I need to be.

Then, I arrived. Red carpets, waiters with champagne and strangers clapped my way from the bus to the check-in counter. I’m fairly certain the heavens opened up and I heard angels sing. My luggage was an after-thought, when it was delivered to my room. I had only seconds to glance down at my feet to find only ratty flip-flops, instead of ruby slippers. This was my first glance at my alternate reality for the next six days.

In hindsight, this was my first moment of ungratefulness, camouflaged in awe. This was their first jab.

For the next six days, I had FREE drinks, room service, five-star resort food, mini bar, robes, slippers, cabana boys by the lagoon, etc  My shower was so perfect with multiple spickets, so I didn’t even have to scrub. If I chose to walk more than ten feet, there was a golf cart waiting for me. If I couldn’t choose between desserts or appetizers, I was brought both. I couldn’t decide between manis, pedis, hydrotherapy and massages, so I just used my room credit and enjoyed them all. If I needed a snack after ten feet of walking, there was a buffet of choices. There were guys to clean the seaweed from the lagoon…really,…true story. My flesh was so sacred, people were keeping fungus from touching it – or so I chose to believe.

After it’s all said and done…is it worth it? Should it be allowed that people are treated this way? I mean, really….think about it. If I had ever been incited to violence, it was upon my return.

Shouldn’t “All-inclusive” include a debriefing session? Are we that careless with the American people??

No Bag Limits!

If you are one of my blog followers, you know that in the last week – my stove broke, my dryer broke, our truck broke and our pipes burst! I thought things were just supposed to happen in 3s!!! For the first time, country logic has failed me!

To help me celebrate my misery, I think it’s totally appropriate to advertise my Direct Sales business!

By now, you have probably fallen in love with at least one of the new Jewell by Thirty-One purses in the spring catalog, right?! Well, now is the time to take that leap with the February customer special. You get ANY purse 50% off with every $35 you spend.

Watch this video to learn more about the purses: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqfx-ccXfRk

If you want to help adopt one of my appliances or just buy yourself a totally awesome product, contact me at brandiwatkins31@yahoo.com or place your order at http://www.mythirtyone.com/brandiwatkins