Worthless as an Ashtray on a Motorcyle

So, I just returned from my very first, all-inclusive resort experience, which was way beyond my raising. Really, I shouldn’t even speak of it. However, I’m curious.

Apparently, I am a big deal with Thirty-One Gifts, and earned an all expense paid trip to the Hard Rock Resort in Cancun, Mexico. Believe it or not, I almost passed on this trip. The thought of preparing for a week away and facing the fallout was about too much to bear. Whatever, I ponied up and went.

The morning of departure, I was ready to book an earlier return flight. It was 4 am and two hours of sleep was just not going to cut it. After 4 hours of waiting at the airport, I finally boarded the plane and sat next to total strangers on my way to paradise. Fast forward two hours. I landed in Cancun, got body raped by twenty locals trying to convince me that they were my ride to the resort, aka human slavery. Thankfully, Thirty-One had actually included a picture of their man at the airport, so I had tunnel-vision for him and him, alone. I get on the bus, was offered a warm towel (not sure why)….was told another hour and ten minutes, I would be where I need to be.

Then, I arrived. Red carpets, waiters with champagne and strangers clapped my way from the bus to the check-in counter. I’m fairly certain the heavens opened up and I heard angels sing. My luggage was an after-thought, when it was delivered to my room. I had only seconds to glance down at my feet to find only ratty flip-flops, instead of ruby slippers. This was my first glance at my alternate reality for the next six days.

In hindsight, this was my first moment of ungratefulness, camouflaged in awe. This was their first jab.

For the next six days, I had FREE drinks, room service, five-star resort food, mini bar, robes, slippers, cabana boys by the lagoon, etc  My shower was so perfect with multiple spickets, so I didn’t even have to scrub. If I chose to walk more than ten feet, there was a golf cart waiting for me. If I couldn’t choose between desserts or appetizers, I was brought both. I couldn’t decide between manis, pedis, hydrotherapy and massages, so I just used my room credit and enjoyed them all. If I needed a snack after ten feet of walking, there was a buffet of choices. There were guys to clean the seaweed from the lagoon…really,…true story. My flesh was so sacred, people were keeping fungus from touching it – or so I chose to believe.

After it’s all said and done…is it worth it? Should it be allowed that people are treated this way? I mean, really….think about it. If I had ever been incited to violence, it was upon my return.

Shouldn’t “All-inclusive” include a debriefing session? Are we that careless with the American people??


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