Valentine’s Day Makes About as Much Sense as Tits on a Bull!

Valentine’s Day isn’t just hated by billions of people every year because they don’t have a Valentine or otherwise, don’t want to be bothered with another reason that they will inevitably let their Valentine down. Valentine’s Day is also hated by mommies with little boys. Well, at least this mommy.

When I just had one little boy to contend with, I tried the whole spending money and countless hours readying Valentines for other kids who couldn’t read, nor write, and probably ate the Valentine card.I stressed about what sweets and treats that I would send, so that my son would be the envy among those that could have cared less. I insisted that our baby boy sport fairy wings that we insisted on calling cupid’s wings and holding bright red hearts for yet another reason to photograph his cuteness.

Then, came my second boy and I got over it….all. And very quickly.

Each year on February 13th, I would swing by the dollar store and grab a box of whatever cards were left. Then, I spent the drive home trying to figure out a way to spin my purchase so that my boys would buy into it. On the morning of, I would pour out last year’s Halloween candy on the counter, grab the leftover birthday treat bags and get to stuffing. One time, I even included a plain box of Number 2 pencils, because I was out of stale, outdated Halloween candy and that is how much I cared about this tradition. Sometimes, they actually signed their Valentine cards and sometimes, the box had yet to be opened. I chose to overlook the slumped shoulders of my boys as they entered their classrooms that morning, just as I chose not to bring up the subject of how their day went on this particular holiday. Sometimes, I would swear to do better the next year. And sometimes, next year looked just like last year.

Funny-Anti-Valentines-Day-Quotes-2

There are so many things about this holiday that make me teeter on insanity. Forget that today’s traditions have absolutely zero to do with the origin of this day and focus on the fact that this holiday is a 100% marketing strategy by some genius a few centuries ago.

Here’s a short list of things I hate about Valentine’s Day:

  1. Feeling good about yourself because you already Pinned the perfect idea on Pinterest weeks ago, in hopes of redeeming yourself in the eyes of your kids; only to scrap the entire idea at the 11th hour.
  2. Having to buy two boxes of Valentines because who needs just 20?
  3. Letting your kids convince you that they really will help with homemade Valentines this year and then never return from a bathroom break…that they took after the first five minutes.
  4. Realizing that you began by forcing your boys to sign their name to 40 cards, then abandoned any and all hope of actually making them fill in the To: part. Not that you have any idea if you even have the class name list. Your resolve weakened even more as they went from full signatures to a first initial. After several hours, no one cared if the cards were even filled out, much less pulled apart.
  5. Kicking yourself for actually making a big, extravagant Valentine box because now you have to find a place to store it until next year.
  6. Hating anyone that had the foresight to secure a babysitter seven months ago. Probably, when they made their dinner reservations.
  7. Wondering if you should take your vengeance out on the world by taking your kids to a restaurant that doesn’t supply crayons or buffets? In their pajamas.
  8. Hating that everyone will see your husband working all day and night, so you can’t even front on Facebook with a fake post of big plans.
  9. Knowing that your husband never bothers with dating a Valentine card so that he can just recycle it year after year.
  10. Fighting with your kids until midnight because they feel that the world will come to an abrupt end if they do not consume every.single.piece.of.candy.

Did I forget anything? What do you hate about this day?

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2 thoughts on “Valentine’s Day Makes About as Much Sense as Tits on a Bull!

  1. You pretty much said it all. I am the one lacking sentimentality in this relationship. I keep trying to convince my husband that he doesn’t need to spend money on cards for anything, because I don’t keep them in a little memory box and pull them out every year and get teary eyed.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s my birthday, so that adds even more baggage to a day that should be remembered for a saint. I did, however, break down and buy a single rose for my life mate. True to form, it was overpriced, since it was the day before Valentine’s Day. Sigh! By the way. I enjoy reading your stuff. Acerbic and fun!

    Liked by 1 person

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