Crazier Than A Sh*t House Rat!

Welcome back to the Country Girl’s Survival Guide to Pregnancy. We discussed your new BFF – the toilet – in our last post, so this post will expand on your former BFFs. You may not realize that they are ‘former’ but prepare yourself; all wars have casualties. Make no mistake – the next nine months is a declaration of war between your body and your soul.

I was told once that being pregnant was like being on crack, you don’t realize how bad you were until you are ‘clean.’ The best advice is to quarantine yourself away from all family, friends and even enemies until you are safe. If this is not possible, try these tips:

Go deaf, go dumb, go ballistic and then go home.

1. Go deaf.

Everyone that you have ever met, whether you liked them or not, has free advice that they will spontaneously combust if they do not impart this knowledge to you. It’s really not their fault, but the result of vengeful generations afflicting each other with needless advice since the beginning of time. In essence, they are just paying it forward. There is not one iota of truth to what they are saying, regardless of whether or not you believe it or even want to try it. Pregnancy is a medical condition that doctors may have a grasp on, but not even Buddha can explain the psychological affects that are part and parcel. Everyone has an opinion on how to make it better. As I mentioned in the previous post, nothing works. You are destined to feel a 24 hour a day hangover for the next nine months. Lemons, crackers, ginger, rest, exercise….IT DOESN’T WORK. The end.

 

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